NOT SO GREAT EXPECTATIONS

So I've been thinking about this issue for a while, but I hadn't delved into it because, well, I didn't want to come across as a sexist or misogynist.  Thankfully, today I realized that I've written stuff that's way more offensive to women than what I'm about to discuss so I don't have to worry (that logic works, right?). 

My question is this: Why is Lindsey Vonn famous?

I grant you this question would be more valid if I'd had the testicular fortitude to ask it before she won a gold medal and was in the lead for a second crashed in her attempt at a second (though, from a notoriety point of view, if you want to get famous for failing you should probably do it this way; the unexpected is much more memorable), but I think the question remains valid.  It's been widely reported that if, as she did, Ms. Vonn were to win a gold medal she'd command as much in endorsements as Michael Phelps (I think he's the one on the left). To compare, Michael Phelps is the most decorated Olympian EVER, Lindsey Vonn has a gold medal. Also, Michael Phelps has about 18 extra teeth, hang gliders for ears and, if possible, looks like a more retarded version of Eli Manning.  Lindsey Vonn was in Sports Illustrated's swimsuit edition.

This may have been obvious before, but if you're a reasonably attractive women, it's decidedly in your best interests to become an athlete. On a related note: If you're a dude and look like Michael Phelps or Eli Manning, you want to be a really really good athlete. Generally speaking, for women, the hotter you are, the less actual success you need to have, and thus the less talented you need to be. Ironically, given the apparent paucity of attractive women in professional sports, you even get graded on a curve. Not that I would ever rank women on a scale of 1-10 (1-100 is far more accurate, it's like using the metric system), but Lindsey Vonn isn't gorgeous.  She's a pretty girl, no doubt, but she wouldn't be famous for being pretty if she couldn't ski.  What people mean when they call her 'gorgeous' is really: Gorgeous for a woman's athlete. It's sort of the way you'd judge a white guy dunking a basketball or Sarah Palin's debate skills. It may not be accurate, but I guess it's the least we can do for ignoring the athletic accomplishments of less attractive female athletes the world over. See also: Danica Patrick

Not to be heretical, but I think Avatar falls into a similar category.  As an unceasingly hyped, special effects heavy, blue giants with tails and a USB cable, 3-D movie, expectations for its quality were understandably low.  When it failed to be the worst movie of the year, the relief that it failed to live down to those low expectations made people see it as a great movie rather than a good one.  Those same low expectations that caused people to call Lindsey Vonn gorgeous, got Avatar an Oscar nomination. True story.

Poll to your left (mine too).