AFRAID OF THE HEAT

I know I promised you a post on foreign language coloquialisms, but with my lack of computer I've found myself watching even more TV, (though surprisingly, not spending any more time working out) and so, I came upon something about which I must speak, America's Worst Cooks. 

The show is on Food Network and it is, ostensibly, a show where professional chefs teach people who know nothing about cooking, how to cook, combined with an elimination competition.  I don't want to get too wrapped up in the actual details of the show because that's not the part that made me weep for humanity, but in short, every episode the contestants are given a tutorial and then a challenge.  The problem I envisioned for the show when I first saw the commerical was that it didn't seem like it could be all that entertaining.  Sure the first week you'd have a few people setting fire to themselves and boiling sushi, but really, how hard is it to follow a recipe?  They're just instructions afterall.  Would you watch a show called America's Worst Home Playground Constructers.  Ok, maybe you would, but would you watch it a second time? 

Clearly, the producers of this show realized this would be a problem because they didn't cast the worst cooks in America.  Sure, I grant you that these people are embarrassingly bad in the kitchen, but they aren't bad because they're bad cooks who don't understand flavor, they're bad because they are first and foremost America's most inept people in general.  Forget cooking, you could have made this a show about setting up a computer and three-quarters of this cast wouldn't get past opening the box.  There's a 27 year old 'homemaker' with three kids who apparently found making Ramen noodles beyond the realm of her abilities.  I don't mean to judge, but if your job is to stay home and take care of your kids and you can't even make a box of mac and cheese, you're not a homemaker, you're a babysitter, a bad babysitter! 

Another contestent on this COOKING show appears to be, and I kid you not, afraid of fire.  A third, after making a crepe that was too salty for the judges to actually eat, announced that she'd finally found her purpose in life and wanted to go to culinary school.  I don't even want to imagine just how bad she must have sucked at everything else in her life for her to confuse, 'complete failure' with, 'purpose in life'.  It would be like Custer sending off a messsage to the President during the battle of Little Big Horn saying, "Look Mr. President, I know this battle thing isn't going that great, but I have to say, considering my complete lack of talent, skill and intelligence, I'm actually surprised we're doing this well!  I'd like to pursue a career in this field."  Also there are a few old people who get confused any time instructions go beyond three sentences.

I don't mean to say the show isn't entertaining; watching the guy afraid of fire try and sneak up on the stove all quiet like was worth sitting through a commercial, but it still boils down to one thing. We like laughing at stupid people because it makes us feel better about ourselves.  So yeah, someone will win this competition and make food that rivals your mom's, but not because they learned to cook and others didn't.  The winner will prevail because they have the mental capacity to reason out for themselves that raw chicken will at some point need to be cooked.