SNOWBALLS IN HELL

Day 5 - Well it had to happen sooner or later, no matter how antithetical it may be to my existence, no matter how hard I've tried to ignore it, dismiss, disregard it, explain it away it away as the product of a poor choice in meals, there's simply no denying it. I'm in a good mood. As such, today's post will be different from all those that came before it. In keeping with the honest relationship and respect I have for my readers, (thank G-d you don't need to keep a straight face for typing) I will not fake my annoyance with the world, instead today's post will reflect this polar shift in disposition and for one day, the world as you all know it, will be turned upside down.

Top 5 Things That Please Me Today
#1 - Chocolate and macadamia softbaked cookies - I can't even type these words without drooling just a lil bit, not a lot mind you, but just enough to make you wonder if I might be one of the special people, in the Olympic sense.
#2- HBO on demand - I know the jury's been out on Tivo for a long time now, and while yes, it may well be the greatest invention since ESPN 8 ("The Ocho"). I don't think enough people understand just how awesome On Demand is. Let me put it in perspective for you; its like room service... for yor TV!! An internet dating service, without the inevitable mocking and shame that will soon follow. With On Demand, you can find that movie that's just right for you, On Demand... You complete me.
#3 - The Demise of Jennifer Love Hewitt's Career - I know this seems mean spirited, but there's a good reason for that, IT IS. Still, I don't care, the more flops Ms. Hewitt has the closer she gets to becoming Mrs. If I Ran The World. So here's to you the creators of "The Tuxedo" "Garfield" and "The Ghost Whisperer" keep those crappy roles in crappy movies coming.
P.S. Katie Holmes, You better hope "The Ghost Whisperer" doesn't become a hit, or the campaign against a Batman Begins sequel, begins.
#4 - The word INDEFATIGABLE - You think you know how to pronounce, but you're wrong, go look it up, you'll laugh.
#5 - Cereal for dinner - If you've tried it you don't need me to explain it, if you haven't, well, you should really stop reading for a minute and go reflect on just how empty your life must be.

Now since everything in the world of "You know what bothers me" has been reveresed Today's "Who I like Today" section will be replaced with, "THE PERSON WHO MOST DESERVES TO HAVE HIS RIGHTS TO OXYGEN REVOKED." To those of you wondering how I can do this given the overall cheery theme of today's post, the answer is simple, I said I'm in a good mood, not that I had a lobotomy, come on people, try to stay in touch with reality.

THE PERSON WHO MOST DESERVES TO HAVE HIS RIGHTS TO OXYGEN REVOKED -
- Doctor Phil -
I've heard some complaints about Dr. Phil before and I admit he bothered me a little, but after catching his show on some late night rerun my despise for him has grown, let me count the ways:
- What in the hell kind of Doctor uses his first name? The only ones I can think of are Dr. Ruth and Dr. Nick(thank you for the correction). That being said unless you want to model yourself after after an old miniature Jewish woman obssessed with sex or a cartoon Doctor who is notorious for killing people by accident, USE YOUR LAST NAME.
- How in G-D's name can you give dieting advice when you're fat? Someone please explain this to me because I have lots of advice to dispense, at a reasonable price, on how to bed Kiera Knightley.
- The Mustache - really, do I need to say anymore?

In Memoriam
Bubba Crosby - Bubba, you're fame was short-lived, you spent 2 months of winter being the hypothetical starting center fielder for the Yankees. Now, Johnny Damon's got the job and it's likely no one will ever hear your name again, that is, until you die. Not the cheeriest of eulogies I know, but then again, you kinda suck and you're names Bubba, I've got to think I'm still treating you better than your parents. Aurevoir.