NEW BEGINNINGS AND OTHER REDUNDENCIES

Monumental news readers (both of you), it would seem my summer of sloth has come to an end. This Friday will mark the last day of my retirement, and this Monday will mark my return to New York's tax base. So, with work, and, inevitably, lots of free time in my afternoon's on the horizon (don't worry, I work for the city), I turn back to the blog. Thus without further ado (OK, feel free to make a reasonable amount of ado if you like)I fill you in on:


WHAT I LEARNED ABOUT PEOPLE DURING RETIREMENT

Lesson #1 - PEOPLE ARE JUDGMENTAL - You complain to a few people that calling at noon on a Tuesday is cutting into your rest, you invite a friend or two to for breakfast at 2pm, and all of a sudden people think you need to find something to do with your time. To all you haters out there (hehe, haters), I'm doing something with my time, it's called sleeping!

Lesson #2 - PEOPLE ARE SENSITIVE- I don't know maybe it's just me but I think damning me to hell is a bit of an overreaction. So I called you at work at 10:30pm and you still had hours to go before you could leave; so I laughed and laughed and laughed; so I mentioned I'd already taken two naps in the past 14 hours. I think we need to focus on the more important issues, like your anger management problems.

Lesson #3 - PEOPLE DON'T LIKE THEMSELVES VERY MUCH - I know I touched on this in lesson #1, but people truly don't understand how I could stand having all this free time. They couldn't understand how I was going to be able to amuse myself every day for, what turned out to be, two months (please keep your 'the the answer is stamina' jokes to yourself). 'All your friends work', they said. 'You won't have anyone to talk to', they said. I tried explaining to them that I had me. That I found myself funny, smart, entertaining and yes, if I'm honest, dead sexy. I mean really, what more could you ask for out of company?

Lesson #4 - PEOPLE THINK I'M A NARCISSIST - No comment.

Lesson #5 - AFTER ALL THIS TIME PEOPLE STILL UNDERRATE THE INTERNET - I woke up this morning before 10 am, go ahead, I'll wait for you to pick up your jaw, got it? OK, as I was saying I was up early this morning and after attending to my morning rituals (quick aside: the FDA recommends 32 grams of dietary fiber a day for men)I hopped on line to peruse recent developments in current events; politics, business, the economy, world news and sports. Seeing how it's October and a Thursday there were no football, hockey or basketball games for my local teams the night before and the Yankees and Mets were both out of they playoffs so I figured I'd start with the shortest topic and went straight to the sports sections of various websites and newspapers. Long story short, it's 6:30 pm and I decided to take a break from reading about baseball to write this post.

God I'll miss being retired.