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Top 9 Reasons To Hate Valentine's Day (It's more than 5 so shut up!)

#9 - Red Underwear - Useless 364 days a year

#8 - Have you seen how many cards a Hallmark has? It's like being a blind guy at a lineup, you gotta pick someone, and you're almost sure it's going to be the wrong one.

#7 - The last minute date - It's February 13th the clocks ticking and you're still without a date. Suddenly the phone rings and you think you're safe, until you realize it's the midget with the humpback, harelip and one leg significantly longer calling to asks if you have plans> It's at this moment that you realize a sobering truth, if you want a date on Valentine's Day, you're going to have to accept Quasimodo's proposal and try not to pass out when the soup spills out his/her harelip at dinner.

#6 - The Importance of Being Earnest - you have to be sincere on Valentine's Day, and really, what if you're just starting a relationship, or worse, you haven't worked all the kinks out of your sincere and heartfelt voice, "I love you as much as I love baseball" might get taken the wrong way. It's just asking for a walkout.

#5 - The Walkout - A date walking out on you mid-dinner is bad, but when it's a Valentine's day dinner, odds are she isn't walking away from fried chicken with a side of slaw, (unless of course you're from Alabama, but then that really isn't too big a deal anyway, it's not like you won't have a chance to get even with your sister) and now you're faced with an unsolveable dilemma, pay the bill, leave the food uneaten and get the girl or, pay the bill, ask them to wrap dinner up, and find her 15 minutes later at your car door shivering and glaring at the doggie bag in your hand.

#4 - Valentine's Day Precedence - You think you're being good, think you're being nice, think you're being a wonderful boyfriend, remembering to buy a gift for your near manic girlfriend and then you find out about the precedence, apparently, Valentine's Day comes third in important day of the dating year heirarchy, after Anniversary and Birthday, so while Jerusalem may be quite the coup, they want Mecca and Medina too. That being said, when those other "special" days rear their ugly head, don't think she's forgotten what you got her for V-day, no, she's got it written down somewhere, and now you, you poor sap, have to top it. . . TWICE!

#3 - The Wife v. Girlfriend Dilemma - There's only one Valentine's Day a year, who gets it? Your wife, the mother of your children, the woman you love or your girlfriend, the woman with only one chin and a waistline the size of your wifes anklet.

#2 - Avoiding the Birthday - You think you're sitting pretty, you've just started dating a guy/girl, his/her birthday isnt till August, you've got a 6 month window before you need to make a decision as to whether or not he/she is worth a bigtime present, then comes Valentine's Day smacking your cheap self upside the head like a guy who tells Gib's he doesn't own a measuring cup.

#1 - Bad Poetry - Oh for the love of all that is good holy, please, please, pleeeeease, enough with the rhyming, really, it's not like Valentine's Day is sponsored by Dr. Suess. "It is not good, in fact it's bad, its worse than prose, really, it's quite sad."