In honor of the best day of the year I am going to flip the lid on you all again and give you a list to end all lists:
THE TOP 1O THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY
#10 - Hash brown/Home fries - Who knew there was so much joy to be found in a potato, well except the Irish, but honestly, they're always drunk anyway, so you can't really take their word for it.
#9 - Jack Bauer - Suspect not giving you answers, do you ask again? No. If you're Jack Bauer, you shoot his wife in the leg. Your girlfriend is accussed by a terrorist of being a collaborater, do you ask her nicely while handing her your wallet for the shoppng spree that will inevitably ensue, no, if you're Jack Bauer, YOU INTERROGATE HER.
#8 - Gummy bears - They're just so chewy and delicious. And an added bonus, if you're completely insane, you can bite their heads off and put them on each others bodies, like mismatched leggo men
#7 - Spring - Sure, I could complain about how warm weather induces people to wear less clothes, and included in people are, well, fat women, but today is a happy day, so instead of complaining about how a tube top isn't supposed to resemble a play doh cannister with the filling squeezed out, I will instead revel in the joy that is lithe 20 year old girls in Halter tops (bonus points if you know the difference between a tube top and a halter top).
#6 - Funny girls - I know what your thinking, how can something that doesn't exist make you happy? However, I am proud to say that after 25 years of investigation I am finally ready to publish the results of my reseach. I have discovered that contrary to popular opinion the Y chromosome is not the anti-funny gene we once though it was, that means. . . it is not genetically impossible for women to be funny!! That being said, it doesn't help too much either.
#5 - Reruns of TV shows and cartoons from my youth - Dude, I dont care what you say, Thunder Cats, Knight Rider, McGuyver and the A-Team rocked like a fat girl in a canoe (I am not fat phobic). Ya heard?
#4 - Napping - It's like having your wife tell you it's O.K. to sleep with other women, it feels so good, it should just be wrong on principle.
#3 - Winning - for all the losers out there, you really should try it, it's fun.
#2 - People who are so incompetent they make me look responsible - For the record, emails addressed to me that begin with the clause "I feel like an incompetent fool" make me smile. All this time I thought that in order to look like a productive, reliable law student I needed to team up with someone who was, well, a productive, reliable law student, when in reality, all I needed to do was find the one person more useless than me. SWEET.
#1 - BASEBALL - Watching it, playing it, reading about it, constructing fantasy teams.If baseball was a woman I'd impregnate her.
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I agree with each and every one of those picks, except for #9 and #3. Due to the fact that I have never watched an episode of 24 in my life, I'm going to have to replace Jack Bauer with country music. Cooking needs to be on the list, so I'm sticking it in the #2 spot because that one is dumb.
ReplyDeleteYou can't impregnate anyone, much as you might resemble a man with the hairy back and all.
ReplyDeleteLook who's come crawling back
ReplyDeleteWow...bigger balls. That has GOT to be the best comeback I've ever heard. Now run off and try to find a doctor who can surgically remove the tail you have between your legs. Cheers. :)
ReplyDelete