Due to reader request I now present you with a list from a slightly, unexpected, perspective
Top 10 Things That Would Bother Me If I Were A Woman
#10 -Yeast infections – And here I thought having a “bun in the oven” was a figurative expression
#9 - Lace underwear – Now while I can’t speak from personal experience as to whether these are comfortable or not, I have had my grandmother’s tablecloth under my elbows, and I have to say, it kinda chafed.
#8 - Underwire – A thin metallic strand wrapped tight around my chest, sounds comfy.
#7 - Low rise jeans – Butt crack and "Muffin Tops" really shouldn’t be a fashion accessory (say women).
#6 - Hillary Clinton – ‘Nuff said
#5 - Beer goggles – At least when you’re a guy you’re still somewhat satisfied to have ended up with a girl. Unfortunately, as a girl, satisfaction is unlikely due to the fact that you’re likely to end up with a reject from the casting call for the character of Screech in “Saved by the Bell, The Post, Post Graduate Years”
#4 - The fact that Derek Jeter only bats 5 times in a 3 1/2 hour baseball game – I suppose as a woman the subtle intricacies of baseball might be considered boring, however, when Derek Jeter steps to the plate and bends over, the women yelling and waving dollar bills like housewives at a strip club seem to come alive.
#3 - Nippleitis – Perhaps you’re more familiar with its other moniker, “Headlight Syndrome.” Either way, air conditioning should never be a bad thing.
#2 - The internet – I’m sure it seemed like a good idea at the time, you were in love, he said he wouldn’t show it to anyone, you thought it would be fun. Now you’re downloaded more often than that scene from “Wild Things” with Denise Richard’s and Neve Campbell and people keep calling you Thumper.
#1 - Reunions – You were hot in high school, hot in college, now it’s 20 years later and while you are trying to keep it up, you are, sadly, now old and wrinkley, and all the people who thought throughout those years, "If only I could hit that" (I'm reasonably certain that's proper usage of that particular slang) are now thinking, “turns out I didn’t miss out on all that much after all.”
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Your inexperience with women's lingerie is just slightly amusing. And by slightly amusing I mean I laughed my ass off.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, lace underwear happens to be very comfortable. It breathes very well. And tableclothes are usually starched, hence the roughness.
Second of all, the underwire in a bra, which is not tight, goes around the cup for support and shape, both of which are very necessary.
I particularly liked #10. Very well done.
Personally, I think that his rules on lace underwear and underwires are dead on. Any woman (and this means grandmothers as well) who says that lace underwear is comfortable simply because it 'breathes very well,' is clearly smoking crack. We all know that there are two kinds of underwear/lingerie/panties in this world...the kind you wear when you think someone is going to be seeing them, and the kind you wear when your sitting at home surfing the internet for 'hip blogs.' As someone who knows, there's a place and time for lace panties, but it's not an everyday adornment. As for underwire...the simple fact that women all around the world rely on a band of metal (wrapped around cup or back) for 'support' says a lot. I'm no hippy, but I don't see men walking around with whale bone down their pants for shape and definition. Just my two cents. :)
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