UNINTENDED CONSETEXTES

Welcome back Readers! I have some interesting news.  It would appear a conglomerate of bloggers have been keeping abreast of this little here website and have decided they'd like me to share my posts with them. The details haven't exactly been worked out yet but the way I figure it, I got to use 'conglomerate' and 'abreast' in a sentence, and any time you can justify doing that, it's been a pretty good day. Heh breast.

In honor of this possible new relationship I'd like to talk a bit about the new hazards technology has inserted into relationships in general.  First and, in my mind, foremost among these is the text.  While I could probably do this post in bullets and just list 5 or 10 things with little quips I feel like texting has enough meat on its digital bones to allow me to avoid relying on our base ten number system.  It has been my experience as one who says pretty much anything that comes to his mind that most people manage to avoid being in trouble as often as I am by simply keeping their mouth shut.  Now, while I'm pretty much perpetually screwed by this pre frontal cortextual quirk, y'all aren't exactly safe either (What? Sometimes I wish I was Southern, it's not that odd).  Thanks to the text people are able to talk without having to look at their subject.  Now, while this feature has obviously increased the rates of hook-ups among the MTV audience, the boldness it encourages has personal effects for you as well (assuming of course none of you are teenagers or hooking up with teenagers.  I frown on that just so you know, not sex with teenagers but teenagers in general.  As I close in on 30 I've come to the conclusion that I pretty much frown on anyone younger that me.  They make me feel old and that would make me frown, only now I'm worried about frown lines. So instead I frown on.).  

For example, let's say you're having a textlogue (That will be my new words for a dialogue via text and no we can't spell it textlog because we do not recognize dialog as an acceptable spelling here) with a friend and you see an opportunity to make a joke.  Now, if you're anything like me you make the joke (You're also devilishly handsome, erudite and lactose intolerant), if you're not like me (my condolences) here's the kicker, you might still make the joke.  Yes, because texting removes the tension from a given situation, it allows one to be bold, to say things you'd perhaps be better served keeping to yourself.  I suppose in and of itself that wouldn't be so horrible, but it doesn't end there.  Texting, like herpes, is a gift that keeps on giving.  Your joke, which was ill-advised at first, will, given the vagaries involved in tone and context not to mention response time issues, more often than you realize, be misconstrued, misunderstood miss independent.... sorry I may have gotten off track there.  Kelly Clarkson aside, the fact remains your less than innocent joke will end up being an offensive joke. The reasons for this are legion.  It could be a typo, it could be your text predictor has a dirty mind, or you have unusually fat fingers, it could be because given the context of your conversation someone made an assumption that turned what you said on it's head.  The point is it doesn't really matter how or why, the fact reamins that the inevitable consequences will ensue.  Offensive joke will lead to a retaliatory text strike, which, unlike yours, is meant to be mean and offensive. This, according to NATO treaties, will require you to fire back with your own ill-intentioned text bomb until you've destroyed a friendship because your T9 thinks it's more likely you meant 'eating' than 'dating'.

Is there a solution for this?  Yes.

Will I share it with you?  Yes. 

Just call my hotline at (900) TEXT OY.  Calls are $3.95 for the first minute $98.05 for each subsequent minute, average answer length depends on the credit limit of your chosen charge card. Also, 42.