I BLAME THE CRETACEOUS PERIOD!

Our favorite things, like midgets shipped Federal Express, come in small packages. The phrases that bring us the most joy are often just three words. There's: 'I love you', I need you', 'I missed you', pretty much the entirety of the 'I verb you' pantheon now that I think about. You have the more esoteric ones like,'You complete me', 'Strong Sexual Content', 'The Yankees win' and my personal favorite, assuming I'm on the winning end: 'You were right'/'I was wrong'.

I mention this because, despite all the amazing technological advances we've made since I was a child - I just bought my 7 year old nephew a pair of remote controlled helicopters, let me say this again, remote controlled helicopters, they fly!- despite all of it, it still doesn't take much to make me happy. Sure I'd like an iPhone an iTablet and the inevitable iClone, but I don't think I'd do anything with any of them aside from maybe looking at them and, if no one was looking, petting them (this may be a metaphysical question and thus a bit off topic, but does finding your own clone attractive make you gay or just a narcissist?).

I take pleasure from small things (Really? You found that funny? 'Small things'? I thought you were mature enough not to laugh at that), like the sign on the men's room door that says sprinkler valves located inside, seeing people misspell, misspell and the pain and suffering of others. Simple stuff really. Perhaps this is why the thing I most enjoyed this past week was a 10 second television clip.

I don't know if you've heard about this new show on Starz called 'Spartacus'. Essentially it's 'Rome' meets '300' meets 'Showgirls' only with more violence and nudity. Violence and nudity, you say; how could you narrow an hour's worth of violence in nudity into a favorite 10 second clip, you ask. The answer is simple, my ten second clip had neither. It didn't even have men wearing those breastplates with He-Man abs and Batman nipples. No, my favorite moment of the weekend was the 10 second disclaimer before the show even started. The disclaimer goes as follows:

“Spartacus is a historical depiction of ancient Rome’s society and culture. The intensity of the sensuality, brutality and language is to suggest an authentic representation of that period.”

Now aside from the fact that blood didn't fly in slow motion in ancient Rome and I doubt that getting freaky in the snow was particularly popular for people without the benefit of North Face gear, the disclaimer screams of 'Damn, did you know there was that much nudity and violence in this thing!?'  Still, you have to admire the resourcefulness of these people.  Rather than admit that sex and violence is good for ratings, they blame history, history, why didn't I ever think of that.  After all, is it their fault ancient Romans were intensely sensual?