...BUT I'M A F%CKING STEAMROLLER

Well, I don’t know what happened between yesterday and today, but I’m no longer at all interested in writing about Elliot Spitzer. I watched some of the monologues and I have to say, I was not impressed. It’s sort of like being Governor, at first it seems like fun, then after a year you realize everyone hates you, you haven’t gotten anything accomplished and you can’t even use your millions to have sex with prostitutes. That’s how I feel, I thought I’d been given this great material, this wonderful story that could carry me for days, and now, barely one news cycle into it, I’m bored beyond words, and slightly disappointed at what gets three diamonds these days (if I were Mitsubishi I’d be insulted). Nevertheless, the story is at the center of the current events universe and there is no escaping it now. So for you’re sick and twisted pleasure, here’s today’s top ten

ELLIOT SPITZER’S EXCUSES:

#10 – I’m sorry, is that frowned upon?

#9 – I have three young daughters, the economy is in the toilet and the job market is drying up, I just wanted to see what hooking, as a ‘hofession’, offered my girls.

#8 – Is it too late to offer her an internship?

#7 – I want my wife to be President.

#6 – I’m rich! Biatch!

#5 – But I paid her in Canadian dollars! It’s not real money, it shouldn’t count!

#4 – Hey, come on, who HASN’T spent $80,000 on hookers? Am I right? Guys? Guys? Really? No one? Have you SEEN your wives?

#3 – The sex was free, the money was just so she’d stop calling herself an aspiring singer. I mean if I have to hear about her American Idol audition one more time...

#2 – Would you believe me if I told you I’m a eunuch?

#1 – Did I mention I’m rich?