ROLE PLAYING

CURRENT EVENTS DAY:

An unknown subject bombs an army recruiting center in Times Square. As the bomb went off at 3 a.m., no one was injured and only windows were broken. Seeing how we don’t know who perpetrated this act I will write a commentary for each possible group responsible.

Muslim Terrorists:

Look, I’m not a racist (well...). I’m sure there are smart people in the Middle East (aside from the Jews). I’m just saying, those training camps have a lot more work to do. I mean I’ve seen them on the monkey bars, they’re quite good on the monkey bars; though to be honest, I saw this six year old in the park over the weekend and he was totally dominating the monkey bars and I don’t think he had any terrorist training at all, so you know, I don’t know how much of the credit for monkey bar excellence I can attribute to terrorist training camps. In my opinion if they want to retain any credibility at all they’re going to have to start teaching their charges (ha, charges, that’s funny, you know, cuz they explode) about time zones. You can’t send Abu to the U.S. and not tell him he needs to change the time on his watch, that’s a rookie mistake. Still I suppose you can’t blame it all on the instructors. If Abu shows up at 3am and sees the streets empty and deserted he should probably put it together himself, right? Although I like to imagine that the conversation in his head went something like this:

Where is everybody? American’s are so lazy, how did they become so rich? This is creepy; it’s like I Am Legend, or that scene in Vanilla Sky where Tom Cruise walks though an empty Times Square. Allah! That Tom Cruise is crazy, I mean really, I understand being devoted to your beliefs but there has to be a limit where your reason steps in and says; “Why am I laughing uncontrollably at my own jokes? This is not smart, you’re making a fool of yourself, stop acting crazy!” Anyway, where did I put that explosive belt?


American Militants:

Jim-Bob, are you listening? Turn down the radio, oh, wait, is that Billy Ray Cyrus? I love that song, yeah we can wait till the songs over. My achy breaky heart, hmm hmmm hmmm. You know, I don’t know why he didn’t have more hits. What? Oh yeah, right so here, take this bomb and go blow up that gyro stand in Times Square. Gyro, it’s like shwarma, I dunno they put turkey on a spit put some lamb fat on top and just slice the meat off when it gets good and brown. Yeah, it is delicious. I know, I told you we’ll go for breakfast right after. Sure, sure we can get shwarma too. No we can’t get it before you blow it up! That towel head told me I had to wait in line behind some brownie. He has to pay. Cuz the turban looks like a towel, that’s why. Ok we’re almost there you ready to rock? No! Don’t light it yet! Crap! Get rid of it! Get rid of it! I don’t care where, throw it somewhere! Oops. Well, I guess we can get that gyro now.


Anti-War Protesters:

People from the army are evil. I love soy products.