INDEFINITE ARTICLE, ARTICLE

Sometimes you find yourself in a position where you feel like there should be a rule or a law or court order to prevent what is going on from going on, I am here to rectify that by providing you with a list of Things, that should be real things, things you can call out and be able to move on without issue. So here they are:

Top 10 Things That Should Be Things

#1 - The first date lemon law - If after 15 minutes you realize that your date is more likely to end up on a "least wanted" poster than on a second date with you, you should have the right to invoke "the lemon law" whereby you simply tell your date, I'm sorry, but you're a lemon, this date is over, here's the bill for your half of the gas money.

#2 - The funeral rejection explanation - All those whom you asked out in life, and who similarly rebuffed your advances, should, at your funeral, be forced to stand on the dais and explain, in detail, why it is that they refused to go out with you, right after the sparkling eulogies of course.

#3 - The mitigating circumstances rule - When caught not doing something that you very well know you should have done and under normal circumstances would have done but for, mitigating circumstances, for example, I know missing your birthday was a big deal and a huge mistake and normally you would get very mad at me and be totally justified in doing so, BUT, mitigtating circumstances, i.e. it was the same day as the Final 4 (that's college basketball for the women out there).

#4 - The automated response - Fast answeres to often asked questions, simply hold up some digits and avoid losing focus on Gilmore Girls. Here are the designations:
1 finger for - No, you don't look fat in that 2 - Yes, I like your haircut. 3 - Whatever you make for dinner is fine. 4 - My day was fine 5 - No, I'm not cheating on you, I don't even know how her number got in my phone.
Not to be mysoginistic (at the moment) here are the 5 automated responses for women:
1 - Yes, I saw that play, it was a very good hit, do they get a touchdown? 2 - I'll be ready in 5 minutes 3 - If you didn't want eggplant salad for dinner, you should have said so when I asked! 4 - Second shelf on the left hand side, behind the mayonaise 5 - No, I'm not cheating on you, I have no idea how his number got in my phone.

# 5- The Sunday veto - No work should ever be done on Sunday. As such when work is assigned that will require effort, real, significant, effort, being put into it on a Sunday, one should be allowed to make that buzzing sound people make when someone gets an answer wrong, (you know what I'm talking about and if not, you aren't judgemental enough) and with pleasure say, I'm sorry but I'm going to have to veto that assignment.

Tune in next time for Things 6 - 10 (I know, I'm evil like that)