ITS ALREADY BEEN BRUNG

I was supposed to go skiing today. It is raining. I am not skiing. This bothers me. So to all you dumb question asking, radio sing alonging, bathroom dialing, suicidal fat women, I say this, BRING IT ON. If you think a little praying for rain is going to stop me, you, my living reasons for keeping abortions legal, are sorely mistaken. With this in mind, here they are:

Today’s Top 5 (would be top 10 but that’d just make me seem hard to please) Things That Bother Me Today.

#1 – Rain – You, Rain, annoy me, I am not hard to please, but rain, you are absolutely useless to me. Has school ever been cancelled for rain? Can you play baseball in the rain? Has rain ever made for a solid excuse to get out of doing anything annoying? I think not. So here’s an idea, how about you don’t rain anymore? I know there might be a farmer or two who thinks this is a bit extreme and unfair and to them I say, piss off some dumb question asking, radio sing alonging, bathroom dialing, suicidal fat women and I guarantee you’ll be your own personal Seattle (it rains alot there).

#2 – Sports That Need Judges – Memo: If a sport requires a group of fat old men and women who are unable to play it, to decide who has won and who has lost, it is not a sport. If you can’t figure out simply by watching who won and who lost, it isn’t a game, it’s modern dance. So to the people who call figure skating, gymnastics and snowboard trick jumping a sport, I ask you this, didn’t you get the memo (I reaaaaaally liked Batman Begins)?

#3 – Modern Dance – I’ve never seen it, don’t know anyone who has seen it and probably never will, but somehow I’m relatively sure, I hate it. If you think the gyrating human body is supposed to communicate a message other than the one which has been mastered by horny monkeys, your parents probably wasted a crapload of money on your education. On the bright side, at least you’re not a mime, oh no, YOU ARE.

#4 – The Popped Collar – The collar has been in existence in its folded down state for approximately 200 years yet you, you Abercrombie & Fitch wearing, American Eagle shopping, sunglasses on top of your head wearing, metal defectives, have decided that you are going to buck the trend, shrug the weight of 200 years of conventional wisdom and walk around like Elvis. Accordingly, I have another unconventional idea for you to try, why don’t you crawl into a dark, wet, slimy hole and die, just a suggestion.

#5 – Viewer Discretion is Advised – Do the people who make those stupid little “Viewer Discretion is Advised” notices even understand what the word discretion means? In case one of them is reading I’ll provide that information free of charge. Dis·cre·tion n. The ability or power to decide responsibly or the freedom to act or judge on one's own. Thus my question to you is, do you think that we don’t have the freedom to watch your show? Do you think that once we sit down in front of the TV and turn it on some magical mystical force will prevent us from being able to pick up the remote and changing the channel? If that’s the case, I’d start polishing that resume, I have a hunch you might need it.

Who I Like Today And I Don’t Mean Miguel Cairo
The guy who created this site – http://mapage.noos.fr/qoo/Quorum1.htm
If you’re angry enough to actually create a website bashing the bums in front of your building, which the bums pissing you off will never read, you’re good in my book.

The Reason Is Because
Me: Mom this food is delicious
Mom: Do you like it?
Apparently she thought I was making use of the rare and non-existent secondary definition of the word "delicious".