BUT I DONT WANNA BE A PIRATE

Hello again readers,
Much like the intrepid reporters of yesteryear, who embedded themselves in deadly conflicts to provide the American public with a true and honest depiction of the perils being faced by enlisted men and women, I come to you today with news from the front, the CLE (continuing Legal Education) front that is. (Yes, I know i just ended a sentence with "is" but it's late and I don't feel like rewording).

I am sad to say friends, all is not well.

If you've read part one of this four part series on CLE's you're aware of the fact that many lawyers out there think, "Does anyone have any questions?" is actually a prompt for people to ask questions, rather than a subtle indication that the lecture is over. Well, it appears, shocking as it may seem, I've underestimated the disease afflicting these question asker's. Yesterday, not only were there questions asked, arguments were posed. Yes that's right readers, someone actually spent time trying to prove a lecturer wrong. There is, I grant, some benefit to asking questions of or challenging the assertion of a professor who is responsible for grading you (though in my personal experience they don't take kindly to being shown up), but when it's a talk on small firm economics being given by a geriatric, a twenty-seven year old should know better.

Speaking of knowing better, you'd think a bar association would know better than to hire a lecturer with a ponytail. Men shouldn't have ponytails. This is an ironclad rule. However, there are forgivable, if inexcusable exceptions, for example lawyers for a punk rock band, a mid-change transvestite (or is it transgender?) horse enthusiasts even. A seventy something year old Jewish lawyer from NY with a head full or gray hair, not on the list.

This isn't exactly a scientific observation but based on law school, my bar review classes, and the past two CLE classes I attended, consisting, almost exclusively, of lawyers between the ages of 25-30, I am forced to conclude that lawyers are not an attractive group. I know this seems somewhat counter intuitive after years of of TV shows about lawyers starring pretty people. But there's just now way around it, the proof is irrefutable (OK that part's not true), I am sad to say readers, this seems to be one of those rare occasions where TV just flat out lied to us.

Gay professors make more interesting lecturers. I'm not making any judgments about sexuality (the Bible does that for me, sodomites!), but the fact remains they seem more eager to please, or maybe they're just bottoms.

You have to show up extra early to get a seat in the back. I find this paradoxical in that, generally speaking, you'd think that the people who show up early would be the ones interested in hearing the lecture and not sitting in the back playing Su-Doku and hangman. Anyone have any theories?