CALLING OUT AROUND THE WORLD

Welcome back to the grind readers. I know some of you probably had to work Sunday, and I laugh at you heartily. Then again, I'm pretty sure your 401(k) just gave mine an inferiority complex, so I think we're even.

I know some of you out there look at Monday as the ultimate annoyance, the eggshell in your omelette, the 'but' in a compliment, the tax in your income, but I assure you, after reading this, it will only be one of a plethora of ills you now find with the world. Think of it as me disemboweling you to make your finger stop hurting, only your finger will continue to hurt.

Top Five Things That Bother Me Today

#5 - People who point out my spelling mistakes - Contrary to what you all seem to think this is is not appreciated. If I make a spelling mistake it is different from when one of you do it; it is the offspring of accident not not the product of improficiency. In short, stop it, you big bully.

#4 - Exit 26 A-Q - Ever follow directions without having an exact mileage estimate and find yourself counting down the exits till your destination? Ever experience the relief of thinking you're only two exits away and then watch with horror as exit 26 became exit 26a, 26, b 26, c 26, d and the memory of your once incipient arrival lingered as nothing more than a synaptic taunt? No? Oh well, at least I used incipient in a sentence.

#3 - Quick Dry White Out - Liar! Deceiver! Dissembler! I shall make you pay for your eponymous deceit! How many tips of how many pens have been sacrificed in the well of your false name? How many ballpoints, rolling tip and fountains must pass from utility to uselessness before this scourge is removed from out midst? Quick drying white out, I'm calling you out!

Authors Note: In case that was a bit confusing, my white out takes forever to dry and keeps getting all over my pens.

#2 - Temperature v. Wind Chill Factor - Things I care less about than scientifically objective, purported temperature, relative to the subjective, wind chill included, actual temperature: Soccer, the doorman's answer to "what's up?", your blog, whether the Oscar's will have writers and my clients. I understand that a thermometer wont display wind chill, but you know what? I'm not a thermometer. When I check the weather I want to know how cold I will be, not how cold I would be if I were a thermometer. Al Roker, I'm calling you out.

#1 - Dumb people with superiority complexes - Some things are just too upsetting to joke about. How people who needed to have their tongue size checked just to assure employers that they weren't part of a mentally disabled placement program can have egos is beyond me. How those egos are as big as mine, makes think I need to reassess admitting I'm not humble.

Till tomorrow, GO GIANTS!