CARLA WAS THE PROM QUEEN

Here it is:
Top 5 Things That Bother Me Today

#1 – People who don’t flush at urinals – It would seem certain people have yet to be initiated to the concept of plumbing. There is, as far as I can tell, a plague of people who think that a urinal is right up there with a bucket and a hole in the ground. This would be understandable if I lived in Kentucky or well, an old age home. However, I live in a relatively well to do, well educated city so my question remains, what do you think those little holes at the bottom of the urinal are for, ventilation?

#2 – Guys who date girls who are way hotter they are – There has been some suggestion that this is a good thing; that this demonstrates that girls aren’t superficial and are more open minded. While this is a valid argument until it works in my favor, I’m waiting Kiera, I’m still going to have to vote no. The reason for this is simple, it destabilizes the dating world. Imagine if you will a man, not special in any way, who finds a woman, equally unspectacular, who is willing to date him. Under normal circumstances this man will be grateful that there is in this world a woman, an actual human, non-inflatable, woman who does not find him repulsive, he tells his friends and family he’s found someone and after convincing them he hasn’t been sniffing glue, everyone is happy for him. However, if you now introduce a hot girl who wants to date said unspectacular man into the picture all of a sudden this once stable orbit is thrown off its axis. His friends and family now find themselves asking, well if he can get her, imagine who I can get. And that in short is how the homeless guy living in the subway station thinks that you (assuming you are a woman) are in his league. Bothers you now too doesn’t it?
Author’s Note: I promise I’m not superficial
Author’s Agent: Ugly women need not apply


#3 – Vending machines that don’t tell you that the one item in the entire machine you want is sold out until that dollar sucking, instrument of evil, has eaten your money and then refuses to give it back to you – You, vending machine, are the strippers of the beverage and snack world. You lure us in with your shameless flaunting, promising us tasty treats, then just when we’ve caved to your siren's call pulled out our wallet and given you a dollar, you snatch away our hope with your callous neon ticker “sold out” (ok so the comparison falls apart a little at the neon ticker, but you have to admit right up until there it was spot on).

#4 – Mortality – I don’t think dying is for me, hey it works for some, I even advocate for quite a few groups of people, but I just don’t think that it is the best use of natural resources to have me converted to fertilizer. I’m sure everyone reading this can think of a few people who they wouldn’t mind seeing become compost in their stead, even those of you who like to think you are at heart good people. So today I call for volunteers, who wants to die instead of me and let the world continue to bask in my humor for years on end?

#5 – 8:30 am classes – I will have more to say on this when I actually make it to one. But in the meantime I would just like to say, that thinking about going to an 8:30 am class the night before, is in itself, quite draining. It's kind of like signing up to a gym, even if you never go, thinking about going is almost as good as a workout, or at least that’s what the fat guy tells me.

Who I like Today And I Don’t Mean The Red Cross
Mark Pope – Mark Pope is a white basketball player who is honest with himself, when asked what he thought his chances of making the Denver Nuggets roster was this season he answered what every white training camp invitee should:
"I don't think it's too likely, because I'm not a very good basketball player."

In Memoriam
Patrick Cranshaw AKA - Blue from “Old School” 1919 - 2005
I have no idea what other roles you may have played in your lifetime and for that matter I doubt anyone else does either, but what the hell, you got to mud wrestle two hotties at 84, so really, I guess it all evens out.

The Reason Is Because
“Babies with cleft lips are not attractive” – I think this pretty much speaks for itself