LUCIFER, THE SOUL CRUSHING DEMON

With the advent of the undergraduate semester it has occured to me, LUCIFER, THE SOUL CRUSHING DEMON (copyright by Gibs 2006), that there will be readers who are completely new to this blog. If that is indeed the case for you I suggest you click these links to familiarize yourself with the sections within each days column. http://youknowwhatbothersme.blogspot.com/2005/12/let-there-be-sarcasm.html and http://youknowwhatbothersme.blogspot.com/2006/01/value-of-teenage-cheerleaders.html. With those links, and a healthy understanding of hatred, you should be well equipped to enjoy my blog. So without anymore dilly dallying (I must have been English in another life), here's today's top 5:

Top 5 (would be top 10 but that'd just make me seem hard to please) Things That Bother Me Today

#1 - High School Girls - (As per request, read comments to yestedays post) Ok, so I don't really know much about high school girls, and what I did know is probably no longer true, however, I have in recent weeks seen commercials for "The O.C." and "Smallville" so I can tell you that high school girls are petty snobs who are only willing to date superheros or men who are dating their sister while they are home from some sort of private school where hot girls congregate.

#2 - Wind - As I've discussed in the past, I hate rain, rain blows like a pornstar, but while rain does suck, I can deal with it. What I cannot stand, however, is rain with wind. I honestly do not think that God ever meant for rain to fall sideways, it goes it against nature. Wind, you are an abomination to God's plan. But seriously, someone needs to explain to me how it is that wind can blow at 30 mph in one direction, then magically be blowing harder from the other side. I mean it changes direction faster than Anne Heche switches sexual orientation (if you don't know who Anne Heche is, take my word on these two points; one, it's a good joke, and two, you don't watch enough E!).

#3 - People who don't think "Rocky" is awesome - (cue Rocky theme music) Whoever cannot understand the sheer awesomeness with which "Rocky" rocks is oblivious to the notions of both awesomeness and rocking. "Rocky", for those of you with basic SAT skills, is to awesomeness as Tara Reid is to drunken slut, in other words the two are inseparable. Plus that Starbuck's commercial where they sing to the "Eye of the Tiger" is freaking, that's right folks, AWEEEESOME!

#4 - V-neck undershirts - Aside from the increased odds of the notorious "neck hair" making an unwelcome appearance, I find the V-neck to be a bit more chilly than their round necked bretheren. That's pretty much all I have to say on this matter.

#5 - Crying - Contrary to popular perception there really is no acceptable gender for crying. Let me run it down for you; if you are a guy, well, the day you cry at anything other than a close relatives funeral, your best fantasy baseball player tearing his ACL, or getting kicked in the twig and berries, pretty much marks the last day you get to call yourself a man; and if you're a girl, then crying is just another form of evil mind control which needs to be stomped out like so much whatever.

Pandering To Perverts
"High school girls sucking"- I just make myself smile sometimes

Who I like Today And I Don't Mean Aaron Sorkin (I know I've used him before but I really do like him)
No one. It rained I got wet, everyone sucks, the end.


The Reason Is Because
"I don't enjoy rape, I just like it before going to bed"- Rena Miller discussing Law & Order SVU
Whatever butters your muffin I guess